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"Death," Alas, Is Not Too Good
2006-09-15 08:58
by Mark T.R. Donohue

The networks have taken in the past several years to stretching the debut of a new TV "season" all the way from September to the new year. I don't know why this is. Perhaps putting their new shows on a few weeks in advance of their returning shows allows them to artificially boost the ratings. Maybe some sort of shady collusion is at work, forcing all of our eyes to the uninspired, dire pilots out of desperation since there's nothing else on besides reality shows (that'll be the day) and last's seasons reruns for the third time over.

Last year was nothing short of a miracle for network TV. Out of the 900 billion sitcom pilots that aired in 2005, three of them were actually pretty good: "My Name Is Earl," "Everybody Hates Chris," and "How I Met Your Mother." The success ratio in '06? I doubt it will approach the same dizzying heights. The merging of UPN and the WB into one network is actually bad news. Not that those guys were ever precisely paragons of taste. I just mean that for all of the brain cells irrevocably destroyed by "Homeboys in Outer Space" and "Shasta McNasty," at least those shows were unique in their wretchedness. Even though the success of shows like "Earl" and "Scrubs" and "The Office" ought to clue network executives in on what's what, it seems like 95% of the shows debuting every year are still either about a schlumpy comedian feuding with his anachronistically hot wife or a group of attractive twentysomethings with lots of money and very little melanin being witty over coffee.

A half-hour comedy doesn't have to have an original premise to not suck. "Arrested Development" never got the audience it deserved in no small part because with every installment it got more and more difficult to concisely explain what it was about the show that was so great. Two of the successes from last year fit one of the two cookie cutter schemes. "Everybody Hates Chris" is a family comedy that trumps formula with its honesty and the emotional depth of its fine cast. "How I Met Your Mother" is a "Friends" knockoff that distinguishes itself with good writing and smash-cut editing. And Alyson Hannigan. (I love you, Aly.) But these are the exceptions. For every "Mother" there's nine or ten shows like last midseason's crappy Seth Green show, "Four Kings," or CBS's smug, relentlessly product-placing dramedy "Love Monkey." For every "Chris" there's dozens of failed family sitcoms, like "'Til Death," the new show with "Everybody Loves Raymond"'s Brad Garrett, which ran its second episode last night.

"Raymond," of course, wasn't at all original either, but thanks to its amazing supporting cast of Garrett, Doris Roberts, and Peter Boyle and smart writers it overcame a small hurdle (Ray Romano's extreme unfunniness) to run for nine seasons. As a result of this success and a small pile of Emmys, you'd expect Garrett would be in the sort of position where he could demand the best situation possible for his triumphant return to series television. No. Really, no. "'Til Death," which also stars Eddie Kaye Thomas of Freddy Got Fingered fame, is as rote a sitcom as they make nowadays. In the first episode, Thomas and his character's wife argue over a pool table. In the second episode, Garrett and his character's wife argue over patio furniture. Where do you suppose they'll go next?

The hook, such as it is, is that Garrett and his wife have been married for years and years and Thomas and his spouse are newlyweds. The two men work together and give each other advice that inevitably leads to marital conflict. This could be easily avoided if these people, and the show's writing staff, weren't all utterly devoid of brain activity. Was Garrett so afraid of being forgotten by the American public that he jumped upon the first project he was offered? The guy is eleven feet tall. I doubt he would fade from our memories that quickly. And Thomas needs a new agent. If the creepy guy from Road Trip is doing "Lost," then the creepy guy from American Pie should at least be doing something better than "'Til Death."

What's really disturbing is that the show isn't really any worse than any number of sitcoms that have had long, productive, syndication-enabling runs: "Yes, Dear," "King of Queens," "According to Jim," "My Wife and Kids," "Still Standing," or even "Home Improvement." It's not even the worst show of its kind on Fox. That title belong to the noxious "The War at Home," which was given "Arrested Development"'s old slot after "The Simpsons" and lives on somehow. What a country.

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